i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
