We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
