ugly people sure do ruin things
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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