dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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