did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize