Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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