Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
