Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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