i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
