I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize