hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
false alarm, still single
Randomize
