Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
