So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
