Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
