and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
