yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize