I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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