Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
