Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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