why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would fuck him just for his dog
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
