Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
