It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
