Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
