Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
NoShamevember. You game?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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