You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize