They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
