I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
