sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
