Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
