Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
