Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
