How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
