I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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