Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
