he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
