Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
