the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
