u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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