is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
