that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
