So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
