He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
