Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize