So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
