We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
