I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
