do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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