i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
