do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i barfeds in our rink
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
