I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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