help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
