what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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