Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
