I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
