"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
