Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
