people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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