Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize