my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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