dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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