I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize