I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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