instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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