thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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