May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
