So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Will exercising make me less horny?
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