there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
