I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize