oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
