this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
