Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
