My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
