i permit you to call me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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