I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
