ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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