totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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