At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
