yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize