i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
