Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
