I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
