I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
