I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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