i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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