He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
