I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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