apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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