Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
