I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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