Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
