Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
