wrigley field is MILF paradise
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
