I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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