What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
