even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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