Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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