I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
