she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
