You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
