apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
