so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
