My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
