Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
