I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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