I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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