Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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