can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
