doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
