I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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