You're my little dorito
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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