so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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