Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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