Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
