I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize