I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
