Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
